Home » Uncategorized » MOJITOS 4 SALE. LIMIT: 5 (ish) PER CUSTOMER


On a recent bike ride, I ran into two trees girls manning a lemonade stand.  I pulled over for a sample and to shoot the breeze with them:

Hey, girls, is this business under the table because so help me God if it is I’m reporting you to Revenue Canada.”

   I’ll give you a buck for an iced Venti chai latte.

   You got somethin’ a little stronger back there?  Wink. Wink. Nudge. Nudge.

Despite my friendliness and magnetic personality, I received nothing but blank stares. Weirdos.

As I biked away after they called 911 on me, I got to thinking: I could use some extra money myself. Why should those shrewd business kids corner the market?  But two lemonade stands on one street seemed foolhardy. The harder I pedalled (I could hear the sirens. Suck it.) the harder I mentally tweaked my business plan to give the people what they wanted.  I knew what I wanted in the middle of a hot afternoon but would it sell?? There was only one way to find out and so I got to work setting up my Mojito stand.

I strived for professionalism but I only had five minutes (It was already 25 degrees and I was the people were thirsty). Here’s what my marketing department/I came up with:


Advertising was next. How would I let the people know I was selling rum-laced drinks in my driveway? I started with Twitter:  Ramp up ur mojo with a mojito! Mix it and they will come. Cash only @145 Hills Rd #thirsty?

This was foolproof obviously.  I gathered my ingredients and set to work mixing it so they would indeed come. Ever the perfectionist, I had to ensure my concoction was worthy of 10 15 bucks a pop so I felt it my civic duty to taste-test. The first batch was pure rum (YOU try mixing 4 ingredients on a hot day and see if YOU forget a thing or two! Judge someone who cares…)  I hired quality assurance/my husband to make sure this didn’t happen again.  He oversaw the next batch and his input was invaluable.

He said, “I think you need to re-think this whole thing.”

I responded, “I think I need to re-think your position in this company.”

Next, I found the perfect faux wood table (Way better than the stupid multi-coloured, flower-laden number the lemonade divas used. Grow up!) and a totally hip lime green lawn chair and Bam! I was open for business.


I was shaky with nerves as I poured the first official drink of my first official business. Yes!!

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Hello neighbour!  Please come back. I’m selling alcohol in my driveway. It’s a very good thing!  Pfft. Be that way.

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It’s just a lull. I’m not worried. I’ll just pour myself another while I wait for the inevitable crowds.

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Can’t hurt to cut the people a deal I guess.  Been out here for over an hour now.  Hmmph.


Where the F@#% IS everybody??

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Ish it jusht me or ish it hot outshide tooday?


Oooh! Big tough cop checking to shee if I have a ‘permit’ to shell driveway alcohol.  Show me where it shays I can’t. Oh…right there. Okie dokey, oshifer!

walking away

Dear Neighboursh: I hope you die of thirsht. Literally.

I woke up the next day with a wicked headache and dry heaves, along with a better attitude.  I think I figured out why my mojitos didn’t sell. The price point was bang on, I was super approachable, and the drinks were perfect but in the end what killed me was I hadn’t stood out from other driveway vendors. I needed a gimmick and as I was bent over the toilet bowl it came to me: I would add a karaoke machine next time!  Duh.  People automatically want to belt it into a mic after a mojito or two.  Heck, I’d even sing duets with the people if they beg! In-friggin-genius.

I’m very confident my new slogan will bring them in:


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Obviously, I do business planning in my off hours. Inbox me if you need suggestions on how to refresh a sagging business. I’m all over it. Don’t be jealous. I bet you have special gifts too.


15 thoughts on “MOJITOS 4 SALE. LIMIT: 5 (ish) PER CUSTOMER

  1. Omg YOU crack me up!!! Loved this Co! Your Mojito/karaoke business should thrive in no time ….Remember it takes 5 years for a business to show success!!

    Sent from my iPhone


  2. Hilarious! Your neighbours must have thought you were nuts, setting up your props and signs! Hahaha! Too funny! Thanks for the laugh! I liked the pictures!

  3. Gee, you look so respectable in your icon photo… Us Yanks will have to conclude that 25 degrees is hot; we don’t do celsius, and my Canadian friend went camping in PEI where she swears there are no bears (but lots of spiders) and no internet so I can’t ask her.

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