Home » Uncategorized » Next Year I’ll Nail It

Next Year I’ll Nail It

Greetings, everyone!

I didn’t have time to send Christmas cards this year but I do want to reach out to all of you and let you know I’m suffering.  I’m somewhat of a (very popular) tweeter now (428 Followers. Cough. Cough.) so to replace the cards, I’m sharing my thoughts throughout December via Twitter.  Before you read my tweets/public demise, put down your shortbread cookie and wineskin and follow me on Twitter:  @LandryColleen.   I mean it, you guys. Frig.  I need more followers.

Please enjoy my gradual mental decline:

2014-12-07 I’m going to enjoy the lead-up to Christmas this year if it kills me.  I will not give in to the stress.  Bring it on!!   #feliz #navi #freakin’ #dad    

2014-12-08 Listening to Celine Dion sing “Silent Night” while I make meat pies.  OMG so beautiful!   Blessings to you all! #iheartCeline

2014-12-09 Malls r busy!  My nerves.  Line- ups to see Santa. Too cute!  #soft #tweet

2014-12-10 Putting up the tree tonight!  Swoon.  #favorite #tradition

2014-12-10 Going through tree ornaments and found tacky macaroni snowflakes the boys made in kindergarten. #nostalgic 

2014-12-10 Tree crooked. Hubbers blaming me. Tis the season. Cripes. #notmyfault

2014-12-10 On the first day of Christmas my teen boys gave to me: Blank looks as I decorate the tree…alone.  Typical  #whatever

2014-12-11 It’s snowing!   Took me 45 $%^ing minutes to clean off car but worth it #ish

2014-12-12 Asked boys what they wanted for Christmas. They said: Donmzarmfgr  #enunciate4once

2014-12-13 I just spent 2 hours and 300 dollars at grocery store.  And forgot milk.  That’s no problem. I’ll just jump off this 40-foot ledge here.  #Call  #911

2014-12-13 Mmmmm. Nothing says Christmas like Baileys in my coffee. And smoothies.  And cereal. And  rice. What r u starin’ at? #losin #it

2014-12-14 Mall is insane!  Attention shoppers: We are experiencing a gas leak. Please evacuate. I’ll stay behind to make sure everyone gets out.  Yea, that’s it. #Hurry!!  #Run!!

2014-12-15 Oh, like YOU’VE never had a nap before 10:00 a.m.  And by nap I mean a bottle of sleeping pills and a sip of vodka. And by sip I mean pint.  #liar

2014-12-16 Dear Driver of 2013 Black Prius, License Plate L214Y who cut me off: Watch your back.  #fathead

2014-12-17 Made scotch cookies.  Inhaled seven (teen). Mind your damn business.  #bloated

2014-12-18 I just witnessed a death by trampling at Sobeys in the frozen turkey section.  And I’m not reporting it.  Every woman for herself #sorry

2014-12-19 FINALLY got a nod from the non-verbal offspring!  Literally one of them nodded at me while texting. As I tripped over his shoes. Makes it all worthwhile.  #no #it #doesn’t

2014-12-19 Oh, like YOU’VE never accidentally set the tree on fire with a Molotov cocktail.  #liar #liar #tree #on #fire

2014-12-20 Been looking everywhere for sharp set of knives.  Success! Found them at Costco! They work. I tested them. On my wrists.  #bleeding #out

20014-12-21 Dear Celine Dion: My God, you’re screeching!  I can’t hear myself think!  #shut #your #diva #piehole

2014-12-22 My maternity pants are tight.  I’m not pregnant. #not #good

2014-12-23 Oh, like YOU’VE never passed out in a punch bowl wearing nothing but antlers and hearing aids.  You’re sooo perfect.  #liar

2014-12-24 Last minute run to the mall can be festive. Like an enema is festive.  Speaking of enemas… #uhoh #soiled #myself

2014-12-24 Ran out of wrapping paper at midnight.  Regret taking hostage.  Everything ok now.  #mediator #helped.

2014-12-25 Merry Christmas!  Ahhhhh! Breakfast delivered to me in bed.  Wait.  Nope.  Waking up from a dream.  #Dallas #moment

2014-12-25 Presents opened. Check.  Breakfast made. Check.   Turkey in oven. Check.   Pile of things to return. Check.   Diabetic coma.  Check.  #on #track

2014-12-25 It’s over. I’m emancipated!  I feel like Martin Luther freakin’ King.  #I #have #a #dream

So yea, I didn’t exactly nail the joy thing BUT neither did I lash out, unless you are super picky and count the hostage-taking snafu.  Next year I’ll nail it.  In the meantime, I may have mentioned I’m on Twitter now and need more followers so that might be something you and your family could do to make my Christmas a little brighter. #move #it

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6 thoughts on “Next Year I’ll Nail It

  1. Omg this was so cute!!!! So glad you felt like writing again!!!! 🙂

    Internet was down for awhile….here at Marina getting Pedicure with Jess & Birgit 🙂

    Heard it’s nice & mild there – great for all, especially Jack lol Chat soon Mq

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  2. Very good Colleen…Sara and Amber were looking at it while I was at there house Christmas Day and they were laughing and saying you were hilarious….

    Keep up the fun and laughter..

    dad

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