Life’s Little Instruction Book (of sorts)

 

Teen 1 is ready to leave for university and I’m a bit panicked wondering if he will ever give us our car back is ready.  I’ve been lying awake at night asking myself why I chose Wheatgrass as our bedroom color  if there’s anything  we forgot to tell him. To remedy this, I decided to write him some last minute advice to help him stay alive navigate life on his own:

 

• Don’t throw away your clothes when they get dirty.  Look for a washing machine (Google it) and pretend you’ve used one before follow the instructions.
• When it’s winter, you will notice white flakes in the sky and on the ground. This means you should just skip classes like I did and stay warm it is very very cold.  Wear a jacket (Google it).  
• Bedding (Google it) needs to be washed before bed bugs open a strip mall on your mattress weekly.
• Aim high. Your father and I are drowning in debt and are counting on your future neurosurgeon salary  want the best for you.
• If you call to say a textbook costs more than $500, please know I already spent it on Botox injections.  I look amazing Sorry.
• Inserting your bank card into your ‘H’ drive won’t work. 
• Drinking hard liquor is a total blast not advised. Stick with beer milk.
• Eat vending machine crap at all hours while you have the chance your vegetables.
• Sleep alone lots.

 

 I think that about covers it.  For good measure, I also tattooed our home address and code word for ‘stranger danger’ on his wrist. Honestly, I think I’m about to fall off the wagon he’s going to be just fine. I’ve done stuff in university I’m not proud of the best I could. He’s never going to make it without me on his own.