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Life’s Little Instruction Book (of sorts)

 

Teen 1 is ready to leave for university and I’m a bit panicked wondering if he will ever give us our car back is ready.  I’ve been lying awake at night asking myself why I chose Wheatgrass as our bedroom color  if there’s anything  we forgot to tell him. To remedy this, I decided to write him some last minute advice to help him stay alive navigate life on his own:

 

  • Don’t throw away your clothes when they get dirty.  Look for a washing machine (Google it) and pretend you’ve used one before follow the instructions.
  • When it’s winter, you will notice white flakes in the sky and on the ground. This means you should just skip classes like I did and stay warm it is very very cold.  Wear a jacket (Google it).  
  • Bedding (Google it) needs to be washed before bed bugs open a strip mall on your mattress weekly.
  • Aim high. Your father and I are drowning in debt and are counting on your future neurosurgeon salary  want the best for you.
  • If you call to say a textbook costs more than $500, please know I already spent it on Botox injections.  I look amazing Sorry.
  • Inserting your bank card into your ‘H’ drive won’t work. 
  • Drinking hard liquor is a total blast not advised. Stick with beer milk.
  • Eat vending machine crap at all hours while you have the chance your vegetables.
  • Sleep alone lots.

 

 I think that about covers it.  For good measure, I also tattooed our home address and code word for ‘stranger danger’ on his wrist. Honestly, I think I’m about to fall off the wagon he’s going to be just fine. I’ve done stuff in university I’m not proud of the best I could. He’s never going to make it without me on his own.

 

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21 thoughts on “Life’s Little Instruction Book (of sorts)

  1. You are killing me! I love to lock myself into a quiet room and read your blogs. It’s better than wine! Thanks for the comic relief in my day. And, Alexander will be completely fine. He’s been ready for ages! Enjoy the journey. xo

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