Teen 1 is ready to leave for university and I’m a bit panicked wondering if he will ever give us our car back is ready. I’ve been lying awake at night asking myself why I chose Wheatgrass as our bedroom color if there’s anything we forgot to tell him. To remedy this, I decided to write him some last minute advice to help him
stay alive navigate life on his own:
- Don’t throw away your clothes when they get dirty. Look for a washing machine (Google it) and pretend you’ve used one before follow the instructions.
- When it’s winter, you will notice white flakes in the sky and on the ground. This means you should just skip classes like I did and stay warm it is very very cold. Wear a jacket (Google it).
- Bedding (Google it) needs to be washed before bed bugs open a strip mall on your mattress weekly.
- Aim high. Your father and I are drowning in debt and are counting on your future neurosurgeon salary want the best for you.
- If you call to say a textbook costs more than $500, please know I already spent it on Botox injections. I look amazing Sorry.
- Inserting your bank card into your ‘H’ drive won’t work.
- Drinking hard liquor is a total blast not advised. Stick with beer milk.
vending machine crap at all hours while you have the chanceyour vegetables.
I think that about covers it. For good measure, I also tattooed our home address and code word for ‘stranger danger’ on his wrist. Honestly, I think I’m about to fall off the wagon he’s going to be just fine. I’ve done stuff in university I’m not proud of the best I could. He’s never going to make it without me on his own.