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Father’s Day Guide

 Happy Father’s Day to all the men in our lives!  It’s important to take some time to show the love of your life how much he means to you.  I’ve compiled some tips based on our recent traditions to help you navigate this special holiday:

  • Firstly, REMIND your husband that today is different because it will look exactly  like the other 364.  He might not react to your efforts because he’s used to you slaving graciously giving your time to him and the family.  Say something subtle like: “Happy Father’s Day, sweetie!!”.  He doesn’t need to know (yet) this is code for: “You’d  better take notes for Mother’s Day  or I’m leaving for good this time.”
  • Men adore greeting cards and this will make or break the day;  set aside a minimum of one hour going from store to store to find THE perfect verse that summarizes your feelings for him.  Don’t be offended if he doesn’t laugh or cry at the same places you did as he barely scans it reads it.  Your man doesn’t read?  No problemo.  Buy a $13.99 musical one instead. Sometimes they laugh right out loud at these. #beautiful #moments
  • Give your man some time alone during the day to reflect on marriage and fatherhood.  Often this will lead to a (longwinded lol) summary of their special memories and milestones. When he gets out the photo album and through blurry eyes, says “Omg, look how cute they were!!  Where did the time go?” just smile and say you understand how he is feeling.  It can be touching but hello:  somebody’s got to cook supper and you don’t have all day to reminisce.  Just plunk him in front of Duck Dynasty and he’ll usually come around. 

 

  • Supper matters.  Buy some thick steaks, and  maybe whip up a potato salad.  Lobster never disappoints either.  Showing your man your bloody hands from wrestling  the crustacean’s sharp claws will go a long way.  They go crazy for caveman stuff like that. Once you’ve spent upwards of 3 hours in the kitchen swearing cooking, try not to come unhinged when your teenager mumbles, “Oh, I forgot: I gotta work tonight. I’ll just grab a burger.”  Do not react like this: “What the hell are you talking about?? It’s Father’s Day and I bought these steaks and we’re having cake and I haven’t even had time to get groceries and my pants are so tight today and I’m crampy and utterly exhausted and..”  Teens hate that. 
  • Time for presents!! It can be tiresome reminding your offspring for a solid week before the event that Father’s Day is coming up.  Never mind that you gave them tons of gift ideas and offered to drive them to the mall.  Their response will often be, “I will.”  This is code for: “I’m kinda busy downloading itunes right now.”  Try to find the charm in watching them rifle through their bombsite  rooms to find a meaningful gift like a hockey medal or a picture of them winning a hockey medal.  #beautiful #moments.

 What better way to find out if your efforts were successful than to ask your husband point blank at the end of the festivities: “So, did you have a nice Father’s Day, honey?” If he answers “Yep”, while staring at the TV, sigh loudly and press further, “Which part was your favourite?”   He might sigh too and say, “Well…I dunno. All of it.”  For clarification, try this, “Well you obviously hated every second of if you can’t describe in detail one single thing that stood out to you. Why do I even bother??”

If your Father’s Day unfolds in a similar fashion, I recommend a simple blood test to confirm your suspicions: they aren’t your real family you are crazier than a bag of hammers  simply entering menopause.  Don’t be alarmed. All this means is nothing will look or feel right to you for the next ten years or so. It’ll probably fly by….

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8 thoughts on “Father’s Day Guide

  1. Splendid! My husband was THRILLED with the used Trixie Belden book I gave him. $2.10 at The Owl’s Nest in downtown Fredericton.

  2. It’s Father’s Day?! Those greeting card companies and their fake holidays have ALOT to answer for.

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