I brought self-loathing to a new level yesterday. I bought a harmless looking cosmetic magnifying mirror. They should be
smashed and set on fire illegal. I brought it home and perched my face 2 cm from it. I was not mentally equipped for what stared back at me. I mean, the goatee was shocking enough but the family of squirrels that was nesting in it was just too much. I didn’t know who to call first, a barber or an exterminator.
I wish to God I had read the fine print that women over 40 are incapable of seeing unless they hold it at the perfect angle… a block away. Read carefully:
Do not use this mirror if:
You are happy; You think you look okay; You are prone to fainting spells and/or hysterical outbursts; You are fully conscious; You are close to a knife drawer; You are close to a knife sharpener; The cops have already been to your house this week.
Well, it’s a little late! The cops just left and I’m sitting here with a bunch of squirrels and a weed whacker for my chin. Don’t let this happen to you. Just Say NO.. to magnifying mirrors.
PS Please contact me if you are interested in fostering a furry little rodent.