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Read the Fine Print

I brought self-loathing to a new level yesterday. I bought a harmless looking cosmetic magnifying mirror.  They should be smashed and set on fire  illegal. I brought it home and perched my face 2 cm from it. I was not mentally equipped for what stared back at me.  I mean, the goatee was shocking enough but the family of squirrels that was nesting in it was just too much.  I didn’t know who to call first, a barber or an exterminator.

I wish to God I had read the fine print that women over 40 are incapable of seeing unless they hold it at the perfect angle… a block away.  Read carefully:

Do not use this mirror if:

You are happy; You think you look okay; You are prone to fainting spells and/or hysterical outbursts; You are fully conscious; You are close to a knife drawer; You are close to a knife sharpener; The cops have already been to your house this week.

Well, it’s a little late! The cops just left and I’m sitting here with a bunch of squirrels and a weed whacker for my chin.  Don’t let this happen to you. Just Say NO.. to magnifying mirrors. 

PS Please contact me if you are interested in fostering a furry little rodent.

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8 thoughts on “Read the Fine Print

  1. We have entered the other side of young and are now referred to as formerly hot….argh! Are we really there? a reflection of our once age-defying self? Damn Colleen, funny! Cosmetic magnifying mirrors cause mid-life meltdown. Love it!

  2. So pleased that you invited me to follow your blog. I am seriously thinking about reconsidering my decision to invest in a swinging magnifier which mounts on the wall! I had a great belly laugh and I thank you for that Colleen. Loved your tux blog as well!

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