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Tux Shopping: Priceless (ish)

Our oldest son is graduating in 3 weeks and that can only mean one thing: grad prom!  As I recall, prom meant giddy excitement, frenzied shopping and lots and lots of tears. I couldn’t have been more ready.

I began hunting for my prom dress in September of Grade 3 so I was taken aback when our son showed no urgency whatsoever.  I started asking around March if we should go and check out tuxes. His response was consistent, if not illiterate: “Dsnttmatr”  I let it go. Until last week that is, when I cautiously broached the topic and said something warm and loving like: “OMG, do you REALIZE prom is in like 3 weeks and you’re going to end up wearing a powder blue lounge number with ruffles and a top hat if you don’t reserve a tux??!”  He looked up from his Blackberry(haha. Good one) and said, “Thanks, Mom, for always looking out for me. You’re right. We need to go right away for a tux fitting. I’m really looking forward to it.”  “Dsnttmatr” 

When we walked into the men’s clothing store later that week, I got that warm feeling that often comes from the smell of fresh fabric.  This was my moment. Bring on the mother/son bonding!  Memories of my mother and I tearing through the mall shopping for my dress, and me sobbing, “Why does everything make me look so FAT?! I wish I was dead!!” came flooding back.  I wanted that for my son and I. 

The first step was taking his measurements.  I couldn’t wait to tell the sales guy how my boy was in the 95% percentile as a baby so it makes sense that he’s 6 feet tall right?  The measurements took all of 52 seconds so there was no time for stories.  Efficient little so and so.  Next, we looked at (cold and sterile) pictures of tuxes.  He chose Option #1.  That took 37 seconds.  Onto the accessories: my territory.  Now we were getting to the good stuff! My heart raced at the thought of a gushy discussion about his date’s dress colors and how we would match it with the vest and cumberbund.  Before I could utter, “That burgundy paisley one is to die for”, he said, “I’ll go with black.”  I pressed, “Um, well what color is the dress?”  ” Dsnttmatr.  Black goes with everything.” I knew that.  Next: shoes.  Sales guy: “Round or square toe?”  Son: “Square” . 8 seconds. Sales guy:”Black or white suspenders?” Son: “Black”.  3 seconds. Efficient little so and so.

We were then guided to the cash register where I plunked down a payment.  57 seconds. It was over. We were on our way home without even a mention of the helicopter I planned to rent for him on prom night.  En route to the parking lot (we had brought separate cars), my son gave me the nod I’d been craving, “See ya mom!  You can pick it up next week.” So he DID know I was there the entire time!  Getting my hopes up again, I blurted, “So what about the spray tan appointment I made for you? Should I cancel it or what?” He didn’t hear me over the car engine.

As he almost plowed me down whizzed past me in the parking lot (4 seconds), I looked at my watch/iphone and realized the entire experience came in at 161 seconds.  I could have brushed my teeth in less time. Tux shopping with your teenage son?  Dsnttmatr.

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15 thoughts on “Tux Shopping: Priceless (ish)

  1. Thank you for bringing me back to 2009 when liljohn graduated. That pretty well sums it up…I prefer shopping for jericas. Much more fun.

  2. Colleen, hysterical! I always saw it differently too and hyped myself each time I headed out to the mall with my boys….girls are just wired differently and boys could care less. The way my boys shop is more of a timed mission rather than a social event that girls seem to make it, much like Addy. Too funny! You captured it perfectly! Thanks for the chuckle once again! Keep em comin!

  3. I now have a warm fuzzy about tux shopping with my son in 3 years. I’ll raise you on the 161 seconds – I’m bettin’ 60 seconds flat for my enthusiastic (read: justgetmethehellouttathere) kinda guy.

    Yours in teenage utopia.

    D

  4. Funny as always! Every shopping trip I have ever taken with Fred started with the “how long is this going to take” conversation immediately followed by “and where will we be eating lunch/dinner/between-store snacks”. Blog on.

  5. Too funny! How about you join me/share on the 161 HOURS it will take Carly to find the perfect dress, shoes, earnings, hair style, lip color, bobby pins ….. Please?? It will make you grateful. I promise!

  6. Sounds like my son . My daughters date on the other hand bought accessories in every colour to try and match and also wore white alligator shoes.

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