Home » Uncategorized » Paparazzi

Paparazzi

Welcome to my very first blog post!!  You can read about me on the ‘ABOUT‘ page.

I’ll start by telling you about my recent trip to New York, after which you’ll probably think my life is one big glamourfest.  It is. 

Recently my husband bought me a one way ticket agreed it would be a good idea for me to go to NYC with friends (I go every 48 years.  Without fail). The two -week manic hormonal stretch leading up to the trip had nothing to do with his enthusiastic endorsement. I don’t know WHY he said, “Stay as long as you want, dear.” when he dropped me off at the airport with two extra suitcases.  He can be goofy, that one…

 Once in NYC, my friends and I were doing what all middle-aged women do on a weekend getaway to an exotic city: trashing our familes sightseeing. As I was soaking in the splendour, I suddenly felt unsafe.  Someone was lurking.  I turned around and came eye to eye with the reason I almost didn’t go to NY: the paparazzi. I knew I should have worn that damn wig but it was too late.  I took off running and thanks to my weekly Zumba class I was able to elude him for the first 29 seconds.  Note to self: Stilettos are wobbly for running.

I slowed slightly to throw up catch my breath, when I heard him shout, “Stop, bitch or I’ll cut you into a million #$%! pieces.”  Harsh language for a photographer I thought.  I leaned against a storefront and posed for the inevitable photo shoot. That’s when things got weird.  He pushed me to the ground and ripped my purse from my shoulder (looking for ID no doubt).  I assured him I was who he thought I was and that he didn’t need to rummage through my wallet, thank you very much.  He wasn’t in the mood to listen.  He took off with my purse, forgetting to take my picture!  #idiot.

A couple of stitches in my left knee and I was good to go. It shook me up pretty bad and for a minute or two I had to re-think my priorities.  Was it worth this?? Thankfully my besties reminded me of the big picture: One day I would most likely be on the cover of Obscure and Delusional PEOPLE magazine so what’s a torn kneecap?  #totallyworthit.

The weekend in NY? #totallyworthit

**This is a fictional account based on goings on inside my head, that I often can’t separate from reality.  Please don’t be uncomfortable next time you see me. I’m harmless.

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Paparazzi

  1. You’ve been making me laugh for 43 years and the fun continues! Looking forward to living the menopausal dream with you! Question – why does God allow menopause and puberty to exist in the same house at the same time? Recipe for disaster…. particularly for the innocent by-standers.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s